Much Needed Awakening

Hihi my darlings,

So, it has been 2 months since my last post, and I guess not much has gone on since then…other than the fact that I really needed to revisit this blog. I have completed my POP Pilates Group Fitness Certification, but have yet to find a job. A few days ago I got rejected by my first audition for becoming a Group Fitness Instructor, and that really shot me down. I am now back in the slump that I was in when I was last unemployed. I know people say that your career shouldn’t define you, but that cannot be said especially with differences in culture, and the way one was brought up, and by ONE I mean ME. I’m getting quite scared as I am rolling into the 3rd month of being unemployed. Do I regret my choice of quitting my job? NO. I am just feeling scared and a bit stressed. There are people I know who would like me to get a job, and sometimes I feel like I’m wasting my life away. For those who are unsure what exactly I am feeling, it is like having a long summer vacation back when you were a kid, without the camps, without the chores, without the summer reading, at the end of the summer where you’re just so sundried, and sit in front of the TV because there is nothing else to do, and you’re dreading the first day of school, but not really because you’re secretly excited that it’s starting again because then you’ll have something to do and people to talk to. That is how I feel.

Of course some people may think I am living that life, just chilling all the time, gyming, and being domestic… but this is not exactly what I had planned/in mind. Every time I think to myself, why can’t I take some time off? I stressed so much about the nonsense at my previous job, and others are not as lucky/fortunate as I am to be having this time off so I should truly embrace it, but I DON’T! I feel GUILTY! And if someone was telling me this about themselves I would tell them to embrace it, and to keep their head up and stay positive. Everyone gets rejected, and it just takes time and patience. SO that is exactly what I am trying to do… but it doesn’t change the fact about how I feel/been feeling. AND I just noticed that instead of saying why I feel scared, I explained why I feel guilty. In short, I feel scared, because I took this stance about going for “my dream” and though it has only been 2 months, I don’t want to think that it isn’t possible to attain. Whenever it crosses my mind, I get scared that I was wrong. Making a big deal about quitting my job to do what I want, and not succeeding will just show that I am a failure, and I am not ready to admit that, or to EVER admit it. Let’s just hope that when the right time comes, it’ll be worth it, hopefully it’ll be soon.

On a brighter note, I have decided to start another blog. HAHA. I can’t even keep this one up to date, and I have decided to start another blog already? Well, I figured since I have been gradually becoming more domesticated lately, I would put up the recipes that I have been creating when I had my cravings. I wanted to continue with the youtube cooking shows, however, I have yet to get a tripod or a camera man to assist me with the videoing, so that’ll have to be put off till later…when I come back from my VACATION. Oh yea, the blog is going to be called HungryHungryWu. I will put up the link, or link it to my profile once I have my first entry.

So, going from being scared/guilty, I am going to be going off to Taiwan next week to visit my grandparents and to spend Chinese New Year with them. I am pretty excited, because there should be no reason why I shouldn’t be excited about going on vacation to Taiwan, other than I will be a bit embarrassed once family members begin to ask me what I am doing with my life… and then I will be feeling those judgy eyes on me, judging me about how immature I am to think I can just do what I want right now. BUT all I gotta do is just remind myself that I am the only one who has the right to judge myself. And, as of now my judgement of myself is that I am not worthlless, nor naive, I knew this wasn’t going to be easy so I gotta keep trying. Anyways, TAIWAN…there’s not much to say other than I will be eating delicious FRESH VEGETABLES, FRUIT, FISH, SOYMILK, every single FRIGGIN DAY, and enjoying WARMER weather than what we’re experiencing now…so HA, GO ME! I CAN’T WAIT!!

That’s enough of an update for now. When I have more things happening to me, hopefully these posts will be better. I love you all! Stay beautiful, kind, and keep on smiling!

-WuMarksTheSpots

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